Today I sat with my 2014 tax documents for five hours, walked Sunshine on the beach, sat on the green grass in the sun and told Tarot stories with Forest and Lucy.
Then i gave Forest two time outs for throwing the football off the cliff and trashing his friend's toy.
I was strong, calm and focused today.
Tonight I feel spent, but not like when you spend all your effort on the tilling of the soil... this is not the satisfying exhaustion of earth work. After I read Robin Hood to Forest (speaking of taxes!) I wandered in and out of my living room, trying to find my place. I did not drink three glasses of red wine to numb this feeling of unsettled. Instead I sketched. I have this big black and white photo of a street scene. I whitewashed it and am slowly charcoaling in the parts that I want to keep: the trees and bicycles and boats and street lamps. I am redrawing this still life. Over the weekend, when I had drawn only the tree and the street lamp, Luckey pointed at it and said: "This is where you are now. This is how much you know." Thingsa are filling in.
After an hour of sketching, I realized I hadn't written. Air to earth. committing the thought to the written word, to the physical form of a letter. It binds me and makes my soul's work real. I write, I sweat, I drink water, I receive support.