I'm NOT Cleansing

Yesterday I leaned up against the tree and it told me I needed to fill myself with plant energy. To purify myself. 

Okay! I got excited about it. I decided to do a cleanse. Nothing but vegetables! For three weeks!

That lasted until about 4 o'clock, when I decided that eggs are spring food and I need protein. But no meat and no alcohol!

That last until about seven, when I picked up Luckey from the bus station and started imagining my kale-only dinner.

So we went to Trader Joe's and bought red wine and bacon.

But Luckey said what she often says when I get all announce-ey. When I make proclamations, she wonders "Is there another, maybe more gentle way to do this?”


There is. Working with the tree. Visting it, (daily!) and asking the green God to enter me, which sounds pretty sexy considering that yesterday I wrote that I want to date Him… Wait. Wait a minute. Am in danger of becoming a pagan nun? Don't the nuns marry Jesus?

I don’t think the Green God would want me to go without sex, though, even if we did get hitched. In fact I’m certain of this.

So. I woke up this morning and went down to the Big Leaf maple again. I leaned against it and waited for Green God energy to fill me, heal me…

I was kind of holding my breath and bracing for it.

Calm down, Andrews.

I did. I settled and I waited, looking up into the green-flowering canopy. The little hand-shaped leaves are just emerging from the branch tips. Acer macrophyllym. The thrum of the wood was at my back like yesterday, but focused, tight, far away…

All directed up, to the tips, to creation.

"Calm body, creative edge." That's as close to words as I can find for what thrummed through those branches.

“Okay,” I thought. “I can do that.”

 But I did feel that if this was the divine equivalent of a date, I was not getting a lot of attention. Not a lot of compliments, really not much notice at all. I like to be noticed, be seen by my lover... Which is interesting, because for some time I have been fantasizing that what I really want in my next partner someone who is creatively driven, as I am, who is making amazing things, and is alive with it…

This date with Acer felt like being with a musician who is totally focused on the rock opera he is composing and  has no time for me.

Calm body, creative edge.

Okay, I can do that.

I mean, I want to be inspired by my lover as well as well-fucked by him.

 So I walked uphill, made coffee, got ready to write. 10 AM. I've decided that I need a strict structure. Two hours in my office each morning. If I can sit, I will work at my desk on the memoir. If I can't, I will stand and work at my project board on the novel.

 I lit the incense and the candles, offered my work to Kali, Brigid, Freya and the Green God. I drank my coffee. I wavered. Sit or stand? Memoir scene list? I moved a couple of Post-it's in Act One of the novel. I looked at the clock.

10:04 AM.

Calm body, creative edge.

I sat down, set the timer and began to write.