Everything is different. I am happy.
When did this happen? Somewhere around spring equinox, around that eclipse and the portal that it created. I stepped into something new then and it just keeps opening.
Today was a mom day, Forest and I all day, doing an art project this morning, experimenting with the color wheel. Forest said “Blue is more athletic.”
I drank coffee with a little coconut oil in it. You should try it. It makes the taste richer and the caffeine comes on more slowly, an estuary instead of a flood. Pretend that it is a secret pleasure, that it reminds you of the man (woman, queer, beloved) who is not near by.
We went to the zoo, which I hate, but it is what a city that is friendly to parenting would look like, all pedestrian lanes and green spaces and loose peacocks. And it was where Forest’s friend wanted to be. We stopped at the toy store on the way home so Forest could spend his allowance. I feel smug about this. I do not have to argue about when I will/ will not buy him toys. I figured out my whole toy budget for the month and I give him half every two weeks and he spends it and I never have to argue about that anymore.
Or about much else, it seems, at least today. Part of me coming back to life seems to be finding my fuel as a mom again, one part confidence, one part joy, two parts moving forward. So much of parenting, as with many things, is setting the tone.
At the toy store, by the cash register, was a display of mood rings. I love mood rings. They are jewels of my young wonder, my 70’s childhood. I always wanted to know if the news would be good. Today I put one on, already smiling and watched as it went from amber (alert) to green (alive) to deep blue (happy.)