I Am So Far Beyond My Comfort Zone

I am so far beyond my comfort zone. This is what initiation looks like. Right? I can’t even write about it. All my worlds are colliding. Priestess. Woman in Love. Mother.

Strong. Vulnerable. Strong. Mixing together!! This is extremely fucking disorienting!

I am like the wicked witch of the West. I am melting, melting, melting.

I have some carefully constructed walls that have felt safe for years, and they are all falling the fuck down.

I asked for this. I wanted my parts to become one thing. These isolated parts of my life that I imagined would mix like clay in my hands, but only mine. These three would become one, integrated and whole.

What are these other hands that are mixing me? My lover. My son. My community…

Plus I forgot the kiln. That’s coming. Alchemy always requires heat.

In the last forty-eight hours I have mixed my identities together over and over and I am so exposed.  In the last forty-eight hours I have been so happy and so scared.

I am so far beyond my comfort zone.